I noticed the joy in life isn't there anymore and all my time is being spent on other things instead of just being happy in life for what I have. I haven't played golf in 7 years now and that's a passion of mine, and have had no girlfriend in three years so that joy is missing as well. These good things have been all replaced with things more urgent like, paying bills or they shut things off. Worrying about health and finding the money to get well. For me the technology is there as well as the medicines and procedures, but paying for them is impossible. My issues alone will total more than 200,000 dollars now.
Why am I alive and still fight when the end seems to be the best option. Let it just happen and be done with it because there is so little joy left anyhow. To get well means more financial ruin and then what? Live a life working three jobs to make ends meet and pay everyone; what kind of life is that?
Yes, I have the veterans medical program, but the care there is just awful for the most part, and still it has co-pays as nothing is free anymore. I'm so tired of always fighting companies that lie and mis-represent and steal our cash like the cell phone crooks, and television providers that cheat and fix prices everyday. I can't take even one more lying dog of a crooked politician tell me one more time that they care, and are going to do something good for the working class and then they NEVER EVER EVER do.
I'm tired of paying doctors to NOT have a clue what to do to fix anything and that'll be $400.00 please. I'm sick and tired of terrible tasting food in the stores and awful produce that cost $5.00 for a handful of grapes now that taste terrible and are usually rotten because they're grown on the other side of the planet and shipped here. I'm tired of packaging that rips us off and nothing is in the box or bag like it looked like. I'm tired of the oil companies that actually do everything they can to make oil prices higher and I never knew that until lately, until it becomes clear that they want to sell that product as high as possible and not cheaper. The government does nothing because it's the oil companies that collect billions of dollars for the government in taxes.
I'm sick of t.v. being all commercials and programming made for idiots while we pay top dollar for it. I'm tired of school standards going to the bottom of the barrel and still 51% of the kids can't graduate high school and all I see now are foreigners graduating college here. I'm now sick of having a country I'm NO longer proud of like I was years ago, and we attack and kill and bully everyone in the world to do business with us.
I'm awfully tired of the same criminals committing all the crime and we just let them go in and out of prison as if the system really NEEDS AND WANTS criminals to make money off. I'm tired of girls looking and acting like guys and not the beautiful angels they were made to be. I'm sick of morals and ethics and kindness not being anything that anyone looks up to today, and now people think ANYTHING is okay, as long as you don't get caught, and if you do get caught, just lie...lie and lie some more about it.
I'm tired of no jobs, and my savings is gone now, and my house not worth near what it was before, thanks to corruption in our business's and government here. Mostly I guess I'm tired of just seeing everything keep going downward and nothing much gets better ever. I'm tired of seeing beautiful kids and young people having nothing to look forward to and sad so much of the time.
I wonder so often when God will do something about all this, and yet I full well know that He does NONE of this himself, and it's all us that are responsible. It isn't God that keeps voting the same corrupt, lying politicians back into office every year, it's the people that are dumb as a sack of rocks today. Maybe God is tired of all this too as He was before in the old days, and killed almost everything off.
I'm tired of fighting for money everyday of my life and if I say the tiniest little thing wrong to someone, they're in your face telling you were to get off even when nothing was meant for bad and tired of political correctness to the point of people afraid to tell the truth anymore. I'm tired of 3% of the people living like kings while everyone else struggles to just keep the lights on. I'm tired of the rudeness of most people and the way everyone wants to fight and so many other things that just never change for the better.
I don't know what to do except fight on. It's in our genes I guess, and maybe were programmed for it but I wish I'd at least win a battle or two to make me feel like I haven't failed at everything. I don't seem to fit into this world anymore and my thinking is so different from everyone. I think money is low on the list of priorities and importance and yet almost no one see's that like I do these days.
The only things that count in my book are health and love...if you have those two things.....life is at it's best. So many of the young people today have both, and yet so miserable when in fact....I'd love to be them.
Thanks so much if you read this and I'd love to hear anything you have to say.